Those visiting the Wheeling waterfront were shocked yesterday as a large sternwheel appeared near the suspension bridge. The large boat and its passengers seem to have time traveled from 1845 to 2018 when a local resident accidentally ripped a hole in space time. The tear occurred when the resident allegedly asked a downtown DiCarlos employee to add the cheese before cooking the pizza, sources close to the oven said.
The passengers of the boat where initially startled by the abrupt change, but settled down quickly when they noticed not much changed from their own time. “What a bully spectacle Martha! We seem to have traveled six months into the future!!!!”, bellowed H. W. Buffington III, a former Wheeling resident whose grandchildren died in World War I.
Overall, the strange interaction went without an issue, with many passengers failing to notice they were in the future. Eventually, the time travelers decided to return to 1845, noting a lack parking downtown as well as a scarcity of open restaurants on Sunday. “I am sure your future is wonderful,” said Buffington, reassuring Wheeling Mayor Glenn Elliott, “but we’d rather live in a time where a dashing gentlemen like myself can procure a meal on the Lord’s day!”
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